There I go again...

So much for wanting to create happy memories....Why do I have to go and do something dumb again...now that i've screwed up...again...I feel like shit...no...i feel lower than shit...

Contradict

I think I don' t know you anymore
I guess I never did...
I tot I understood,
I tot I knew
but...I don't
I never did
You never gave me the chance.

There are times when I tot I'm almost there
I tot I almost reach your heart
but everytime you slam the door in my face
It hurts...
I reach out but all I touch was cold solid door
How I push at it and how I charge at it
I got myself wounded all over and yet it wouldn't budge
Not even a little

I wanted to turn back, to give up on you
But this longing I feel inside just won't go away
This feeling I never though I'd feel for anyone
You make it happen
You're my miracle yet you're my debacle
And I love you so

When will I be fine?

Again and again he hurt me...so badly I just wanna cry my eyes out and shut myself from everything....but I cant...I know he's hurting too....I don't wanna be a 'small gas' and left him at the time when he's at his lowest...Yet as I wrote this, my eyes start to fill up....my heart ache....my self-worth gone....and the words David say rang in my head..."is he worth it?"over and over it plays in my head...but my answer will never change...."I dont know...but I did everything I did willingly"
May be this answer will change one day...I don't know but I'm sure it wont change anytime soon....